One not listed but should be.

http://www.nmatv.com/video/1567/Stimulusol-XR

hoosiernorm wrote:

One not listed but should be.

Ah, how fine art can elevate the soul.

It's like St. George slaying the dragon:

Classic humour for geeks like me:

Quote:

Derived From "The Mathematics of Big Game Hunting" (Aug-Sept. AMM, 446-447, 1938)

The following represent several mathematical methods for capturing a lion
in the middle of the Sahara Desert:

* The method of inversive geometry.

We place a spherical cage in the desert, enter it, and lock it, We
perform an inversion with respect to the cage. The lion is then in
the interior of the cage, and we are outside.

* The method of projective geometry.

Without loss of generality, we may regard the Sahara Desert as a
plane. Project the plane into a line, and then project the line
into an interior point of the cage. The lion is projected into the
same point.

* The "Mengentheoretisch" method.

We observe that the desert is a separable space. It therefore
contains an enumerable dense set of points, from which can be
extracted a sequence having the lion as a limit. We then approach
the lion stealthily along this sequence, bearing with us suitable
equipment.

* The Peano method.

Construct, by standard methods, a continuous curve passing through
every point of the desert. It has been shown that it is possible
to traverse such a curve in an arbitrarily short time. Armed with a
spear, we traverse the curve in a time shorter than that in which a
lion can move his own length.

* A topological method.

We observe that a lion has at least the connectivity of the torus.
We transport the desert into four-space. It is then possible to
carry out such a deformation that the lion can be returned to
three-space in a knotted condition. He is then helpless.

* The Cauchy, or function theoretical, method.

We consider an analytic lion-valued function f(z). Let X be
the cage. Consider the integral:

1/(2 * pi * i) integral over C of [f(z) / (z - X)]dz

where C is the boundary of the desert; it's value is f(X), i.e.,
a lion in the cage.

* The Wiener Tauberian method.

We procure a tame lion, L0 of class L(-infinity, +infinity), whose
Fourier transform nowhere vanishes, and release it in the desert.
L0 then converges to our cage. By Wiener's General Tauberian
Theorem, any other lion, L (say), will then converge to the same
cage. Alternatively, we can approximate arbitrarily closely to L
by translating L0 about the desert.

* The Schrodinger method.

At any given moment there is a positive probability that there is
a lion in the cage. Sit down and wait.

* A relativistic method.

We distribute about the desert lion bait containing large portions
of the Companion of Sirius. When enough bait has been taken, we
project a beam of light across the desert. This will bend right
around the lion, who will then become so dizzy that he can be
approached with impunity.

* The thermodynamical method.

We construct a semi-permeable membrane, permeable to everything
except lions, and sweep it across the desert.

* The magneto-optical method.

We plant a large lenticular bed of catnip [Nepeta cataria], whose
axis lies along the direction of the horizontal component as the
earth's magnetic field, and place a cage at one of its foci. We
distribute over the desert large quantities of magnetized spinach
[Spinacia oleracea], which, as is well known, has a high ferric
content. The spinach is eaten by the herbivorous denizens of the
desert, which are in turn eaten by lions. the lions are then
oriented parallel to the earth's magnetic field, and the resulting
beam of lions is focused by the catnip upon the cage.

I just love it when you talk math.

Colonel Sun wrote:

I just love it when you talk math.

Limericks

A mathematician confided
That the Mobius band is one-sided
And you'll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half
'Cause it stays in one piece when divided.

A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine
Said he: If you glue
The edges of two
You'll get a weird bottles like mine.

There was a young fellow named Fisk,
A swordsman, exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.

'Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

If inside a circle a line
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is "d"
the circumference will be
d times 3.14159

Pi goes on and on and on ...
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder: Which is larger
When their digits are reversed?

A challenge for many long ages
Had baffled the savants and sages.
Yet at last came the light:
Seems old Fermat was right--
To the margin add 200 pages.

If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...

Integral z-squared dz
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of 'e'.

And it's correct, too.

A burleycque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
and died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.


This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).

((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.


In arctic and tropical climes,
the integers, addition, and times,
taken (mod p) will yield
a full finite field,
as p ranges over the primes.

A graduate student from Trinity
Computed the cube of infinity;
But it gave him the fidgets
To write down all those digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.

Chebychev said it and I'll say it again:
There's always a prime between n and 2n!

There once was a number named pi
Who frequently liked to get high.
All he did every day
Was sit in his room and play
With his imaginary friend named i.

There once was a number named e
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great.
But that fact we must debate;
We know she wasn't greater than 3.

There once was a log named Lynn
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
Whose base was shaped like an e.
She's the most natural log I've seen.

West Jet is an Airline with head office situated in Calgary, Alberta. West Jet airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight 'safety lecture' and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:



On another West Jet Flight with a very 'senior' flight attendant crew, the pilot said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.'


From a West Jet Airlines employee: 'Welcome aboard West Jet Flight 245 to Calgary. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'


'In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.'


'Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than West Jet Airlines.'


And from the pilot during his welcome message: 'West Jet Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!'


Heard on West Jet Airlines just after a very hard landing in Edmonton: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, 'That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt.'


An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a 'Thanks for flying our airline.' He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, 'Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?' 'Why, no, Ma'am,' said the pilot. 'What is it?' The little old lady said, 'Did we land, or were we shot down?'


After a real crusher of a landing in Halifax, the attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.'


Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: 'We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of West Jet Airways.'

This is based on an actual radio conversation between a U.S. Navy
aircraft carrier (U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln) and Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. (The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on
10/10/95 authorized by the Freedom of Information Act.)

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to
avoid collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND
LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS
SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES
NORTH--I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH--OR
COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Whut if the lion knows how to use the e-log function on his pocket calculator, and you don't? Point to ponder ........ ........

The Bum d'Rush is gonna give me nightmares ........

Anyone know whatever happened to 'Rush Limbaugh Eats the World'?

Haven't been able to find this on the net for quite a while now. It's one of the funniest and most groteque things you'll ever see.

Q. Why did the elephant get lost in the jungle?

--------------------

A. Because the jungle is MASSIVE!

--------------------

TOP BUZZ @ PANDEMONIUM 1994 Pt.4

"...sound of the Tchaikovsky..."

Elders of Zion to Retire

hoosiernorm wrote:

Elders of Zion to Retire

Very good.

Wannabe models gone wild.

Colonel Sun wrote:

Wannabe models gone wild.

Jeezzz

Colonel Sun wrote:

Wannabe models gone wild.

Wow. It sounds like the Hadron Collider of intelligence. An uncomprehensible number of anti-IQ points accelerated into a single particle of reality.

ananyaja wrote:

Colonel Sun wrote:

I just love it when you talk math.

Limericks

A mathematician confided
That the Mobius band is one-sided
And you'll get quite a laugh
If you cut one in half
'Cause it stays in one piece when divided.

A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine
Said he: If you glue
The edges of two
You'll get a weird bottles like mine.

There was a young fellow named Fisk,
A swordsman, exceedingly brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Lorentz contraction
Reduced his rapier to a disk.

'Tis a favorite project of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

If inside a circle a line
Hits the center and goes spine to spine
And the line's length is "d"
the circumference will be
d times 3.14159

Pi goes on and on and on ...
And e is just as cursed.
I wonder: Which is larger
When their digits are reversed?

A challenge for many long ages
Had baffled the savants and sages.
Yet at last came the light:
Seems old Fermat was right--
To the margin add 200 pages.

If (1+x) (real close to 1)
Is raised to the power of 1
Over x, you will find
Here's the value defined:
2.718281...

Integral z-squared dz
from 1 to the cube root of 3
times the cosine
of three pi over 9
equals log of the cube root of 'e'.

And it's correct, too.

A burleycque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
and died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.


This poem was written by John Saxon (an author of math textbooks).

((12 + 144 + 20 + (3 * 4^(1/2))) / 7) + (5 * 11) = 9^2 + 0

A Dozen, a Gross and a Score,
plus three times the square root of four,
divided by seven,
plus five times eleven,
equals nine squared and not a bit more.


In arctic and tropical climes,
the integers, addition, and times,
taken (mod p) will yield
a full finite field,
as p ranges over the primes.

A graduate student from Trinity
Computed the cube of infinity;
But it gave him the fidgets
To write down all those digits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.

Chebychev said it and I'll say it again:
There's always a prime between n and 2n!

There once was a number named pi
Who frequently liked to get high.
All he did every day
Was sit in his room and play
With his imaginary friend named i.

There once was a number named e
Who took way too much LSD.
She thought she was great.
But that fact we must debate;
We know she wasn't greater than 3.

There once was a log named Lynn
Whose life was devoted to sin.
She came from a tree
Whose base was shaped like an e.
She's the most natural log I've seen.

This is exceedingly clever.

Where do you teach by the way? And where did you learn your mathematics too?